Article by Sarah Perez

5 Easy Steps to Stay Safe (and Private!) on Facebook
By SARAH PEREZ of ReadWriteWeb

When the President of the United States warns schoolchildren to watch what they say and do on Facebook, you know that we've got a problem...and it's not one limited to the U.S.'s borders, either. People everywhere are mindlessly over-sharing on the world's largest social network, without a second thought as to who's reading their posts or what effect it could have on them further down the road. For example, did you know that 30% of today's employers are using Facebook to vet potential employees prior to hiring? In today's tough economy, the question of whether to post those embarrassing party pics could now cost you a paycheck in addition to a reputation. (Keep that in mind when tagging your friends' photos, too, won't you?)

But what can be done? It's not like you can just quit Facebook, right? No - and you don't have to either. You just need to take a few precautions.

Unbeknownst to most mainstream Facebook users, the social network actually offers a slew of privacy controls and security features which can help you batten down the hatches, so to speak. If used properly, you'll never have to worry about whether you should friend the boss and your mom. You can friend anyone you want while comfortable in the knowledge that not everyone gets to see everything you post.

The problem in implementing these privacy options is that they're just too confusing for most non-tech savvy people to handle. And often, folks don't want to bother to take the time to learn. To simplify the process, we're offering five easy steps you can take today to help make your Facebook experience safer, more secure, and more private.

Step 1: Make Friend Lists

Yes, it will take some time, especially if you're connected to a couple hundred friends already. But this step, while not the quickest, is fairly simple. And it will be one of the most useful things you can do on Facebook.

Friend lists, like they sound, are lists for categorizing your friends into various groups. The nice thing about this feature is that once you set these lists up, you won't have to do it again. We suggest that you put your work colleagues and professional acquaintances into a friend list designated "work," personal friends you're not very close with into a list called "Acquaintances," and people you're related to into a list called "Family." Those three main categories will separate out the groups of "friends" who you may want to hide some information from.

To create a friend list, click on "Friends" at the top of the Facebook homepage. In the left-hand column, click "Friends" again under the "Lists" section. Now you'll see a button at the top that says "Create New List". Click it. In the pop-up that appears, you can name your list and pick members. If you've ever shared an application with your friends, the process of doing this will be very familiar.

When you've finished making lists, you'll be able to use them when selecting who can see what (or who can't!) when configuring the security settings described below.

Step 2: Who Can See What on Your Profile

At the top right of Facebook, there's a menu that many people probably ignore: "Settings." But this menu is now going to become your best friend. To get started, hover you mouse over the Settings menu and click "Privacy Settings" from the list that appears. On the next page, click "Profile." This takes you to a page where you can configure who gets to see certain information on your profile.

Before making changes, think carefully about the sorts of things you want public and the things you want private. Should "everyone" get to see photos you're tagged in? Or would you like to limit this only to those you've specifically chosen as Facebook friends?

Underneath each section on this page (basic info, personal info, status, etc.), you can designate who gets to see that particular bit of information. For anyone not using custom lists (see step 1), the best thing to enter here is "Only Friends." Anything else opens up your profile information to people you may or may not know. For example, choosing "Everyone" makes that info public, "Friends of Friends" lets your friends' friends see it, "My Networks and Friends" opens up your info to anyone in your networks - that means anyone in your city, your high school, your college, a professional organization you listed, etc.

You can also block certain groups from seeing these sections, too. On any item that offers an "Edit Custom Settings" option, you can click that link to display a pop-up box where you can choose people or lists to block (see where it says "Except these people"). If you haven't made custom lists as explained in step 1 above, you can enter individual names here instead. (Sorry, mom, dad, boss - this is where you get blocked.)

Step 3: Who Can See Your Address and Phone Number

Did you list your address and phone number on Facebook? While that's a handy feature, you may not want everyone you friended to have this information. To access this configuration page, you follow the same steps as above in step 2 to display the Profile Privacy page. You'll notice that the page has two tabs at the top - click on the one that reads "Contact information."

As previously described above, you can again use the drop-down lists provided to designate who gets to see what and/or block certain people or lists from viewing this information. The sections on this page include "IM Screen Name," "Mobile Phone," "Other Phone," "Current Address," "Website," and your email.

Step 4: Change Who Can Find You on Facebook via Search

Sick of getting friend requests from old high school pals? While for some the beauty of Facebook is that it lets you reconnect with everyone you ever knew throughout your life, others find this intrusive and annoying. You're not friends with any of these people anymore for a reason, right?

As it turns out, you can still enjoy Facebook without some folks ever knowing or finding you thanks to the search privacy settings.

Click on the "Settings" menu on Facebook's homepage and then click "Search" on the following page. You'll be taken to a Search Privacy page where you can specify who gets to find you on Facebook. Want to be wide open? Change the "Search Visibility" drop-down box to "Everyone." Want to keep it a little more limited? Select "My Networks and Friends," "Friends of Friends," or "My Networks and Friends of Friends" instead. Don't want anyone finding you on Facebook? Change it to "Only Friends." That means only the people who you've already friended can find you in a Facebook search.

On this page, you can also configure what information displays when your info is returned as a search result (e.g. your profile picture, your friend list, etc.). In addition, you can check and uncheck the boxes for network-based searches too. For example, if you don't want anyone from high school to find you, uncheck the box next to "people in high school networks."

Step 5: Stop Sharing Personal Info with Unknown Applications

Remember when we told you about what Facebook quizzes know about you? Using Facebook's default settings, you're unknowingly sharing a plethora of personal information (and your friends' info too!) with various Facebook applications and the developers who created them. The problem is so bad that the ACLU recently created their own Facebook Quiz to demonstrate how much information an app has access to.

It's time to take back control! From the Facebook homepage, hover your mouse over the "Settings" menu and choose "Privacy Settings" from the drop-down list. On the next page, click "Applications" then click the tab that reads "Settings" which is next to the "Overview" tab. (Oh, and if you want to really be freaked out, read that overview!)

On this page, you can check and uncheck boxes next to your personal information (picture, education history, wall, religious views, etc.). This controls what applications your friends are using can see about you. Yes, your friends' apps can see your personal info if you don't make this change! Believe it or not, you don't have the same control over your own apps. The best you can do is head over to the Applications page and delete the apps you're not using anymore. (Use the "X" to remove them.) You see, once you authorize an application, you're telling it that it's OK to access any information associated with your account that it requires to work. While some developers may only pull what's actually required, many others just pull in everything they can. Scary, isn't it?

Conclusion

While this is by no means a comprehensive guide to Facebook security and privacy, these five steps can help you get started in creating a safer, more secure, and more private environment on the social network.

However, if you choose not to take any precautions, then you'll only have yourself to blame when an errant wall post or naughty photo makes its way online and straight into Grandma's News Feed, or worse, your boss's. These days, it's better be safe than sorry, so go ahead and delve into those settings!

Frugal Franny

I am a heavy consumer of children's goods. Really, it is my sole monetary indulgence. I have never bought a purse, I rarely wear anything but slippers on my feet, in all aspects save this, I am a frugal franny. But, they got me when it comes to the kids. Absolutely and entirely.

When we lived in Kalihi, in a 1-bedroom apartment for FREE, our home looked like a very small toy store. Now that we live in a home (with a room to spare!) and a wonderful mortgage, our home looks like an even bigger toy store.

Somehow, I experience no guilt whatsoever or budgetary restraints when it comes to toys and books. I love them and I like to think of myself as a choosy shopper... However, you could slap on the label educational and I'll happily pay double. You probably won't find video games, a TV, Barbie, or G.I. Joes at this house any time soon. Yes, it is because I am one of "those" moms who have a sneaking suspicion that they model Barbies after Waikiki's "ladies of the night." And my son already loves shooting everything in sight with his blaster or battling with his light saber. I am fine without any more ammunition in the house!

I do give my children the mental freedom in having my permission to pierce his ears (my six year old son), paint on the walls (there's drawing paper on it), and play with more of those blasted tiny legos and Star Wars figurines than he could muster. As for my daughter, could she tell me how to get to Sesame Street? Why, yes!! It is conveniently located at the cross-section of our living room and bathroom and bedroom. From her toys, to her books, to her undies, to her potty... Elmo is everywhere. His ubiquitous character watches over us, much like Mother Mary does in most civilized Portuguese homes.

I suppose it is all in my efforts in assuring that the content of my children's character is something that they can be proud of. Now that's a label for a toy if I ever heard one.

Fight, Flight, or Fright

While anthropologists have readily examined our instinctual flight or fight responses to severe threat, indications of inexplicable behavior brought to light the fright response. Since 1929, it was presumed that humans reacted in one of two ways to threats. However, flight or fight could not explain why the woman sitting next to the exit on the plane on fire did not escape, yet people fifteen rows past her managed to do so through the exit adjacent to her. Passengers commented on how she just sat in her seat as if "frozen" and was entirely unresponsive to people cajoling her to exit. Initial explanations suggested that she was in shock. Further examination brought to light the fright response to threat, in which humans freeze up as if dead when threatened. The biological basis for this is simple, that if we could not fight them, or run away from them, acting as if dead allowed the "enemy" to be unchallenged, leaving the victim as dead rather than for dead.

A recent threat highlighted the varying ways in which my ex-husband and I handle threat. While my ex-husband was microwaving a Chinese noodle container, it caught fire. He was eating a sandwich to one side of the kitchen. My two year old daughter was playing with the paper plates in the pantry on another side. My six year old son was sitting on the other side of the kitchen eating at the table. I saw the fire. I started to squeal like you would not believe. Then, I ran to an area between both children, while continuing to squeal. The squeals registered with the ex-husband and as he continued to eat his sandwich with one hand, he filled a sippy cup full of water, opened the door, and dumped the water on it. Repeat five times minus the opening of the door. Continue eating the sandwich.

By that time, both children were crying, the daughter due to my squeals, the son due to the ever increasing flames. I had subsequently moved to the couch with both kids. My ex-husband, almost done with the sandwich, had vanquished the fire and was exclaiming, "Hey!! You just ran away!!"

Apparently, I was exhibiting the flight response. I think my ex-husband exhibited the fight response, but we would have to ask his sandwich. The children, bless their hearts, were fright models.

Now, if only Walter Cannon knew about us....

1 Drop Hawaiian - A Response to Mr. Theroux

Paul Theroux- a wonderful travel writer recently wrote an op-ed for the New York Times. While I enjoyed the article, there was one reflection that made me bristle and I have been thinking about it for a while. His article is available at this link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/21/opinion/21theroux.html

I believe Mr. Theroux may have missed something regarding his passing jibe at the “1 drop Hawaiian” Hawaiian. I would estimate that I readily fall into that category, being of seven ethnicities and when duly reciting them, I always say Hawaiian first. Not that in these modern times it makes me more “special”, but in the context of my ethnic background, I claim it first as a statement to generations of Hawaiians who were belittled, beaten, and otherwise demeaned for speaking and being Hawaiian. Out of all that I am, Hawaiian, Chinese, Portuguese, Scottish, German, English, and East Indian; Hawaiians are at the greatest disadvantage. While I very much doubt Mr. Theroux would ever jibe about the phrase “1 drop Black”, the ideology behind claiming ones heritage is the same.

Buckle In -It's A Bumpy Ride (If You're A Kid)

My loving brother used to vigorously berate me every time I would put my son in the car in order to take him for a drive to put him to sleep. Loudly, vehemently, these were his words, “You are putting my nephew at risk. What you are doing is stupid.” Now, to hear my otherwise genteel brother describe me so one would think that I was tossing my son in the front seat (or the trunk) sans car seat and driving blindfolded after downing ten mint juleps in the middle of the night. Rather, I was buckling him into his 5-point harness LATCH safety seat and taking a slow afternoon drive up to Rainbow Falls and then back home. A total of (if I was stretching it) seven minutes in the car. However, his angst was entirely legitimate. According to the CDC, car collisions are the number one source of injury and death among children. On average 504 injuries and 4 deaths occur among children on a DAILY basis resulting in 1,335 death and 184,000 injuries per year While the advent of child safety restraints in 1971 heralded a dramatic initial drop in the incidence of motor vehicle injury and death among children, the subsequent data shows inconsistencies in a further reduction. These inconsistencies are evident by the 425 preventable deaths per year due to unrestrained children. Their unfortunate deaths may be a result of several factors that include the actual lack of a safety seat, confusion regarding legal requirements regarding age and weight of a child needing to be restrained, generational and cultural beliefs that conflict with restraining a child, and parental/ caregiver removal of the child from the safety seat in order to breastfeed and/or comfort. (I am so guilty of this last one.) These are then coupled with the speculated and yet unspecified number of deaths due to use of a recalled safety seat, inadequate safety seat construction, improper installation of the car seat, confusion about the Lower Anchors and Tethers for Children (LATCH), and overall frustration with use. Proper restraint in a motor vehicle reduces the risk of fatality in a crash by approximately 70%. However, multiple studies have found approximately 85% of car seats are misused. 85%? That means you and me and possibly nearly every person we know is clueless when it comes to car seats. While the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration (NHTSA) provides specific guidelines to prevent injury and death, it delegates the development, implementation, and enforcement of actual legislative guidelines to the jurisdiction of individual States. The result of which is an entirely varied and incomprehensive system of occupant protection laws and fines, and ultimately practices, that endanger children and confuse parents and caregivers. Why are there 50 separate sets of laws regarding safety seat use? Why do only 15 of those (Hawai’i is included) actually specify where in your car your child is most safe? In the rear, in the middle seats. So there you have it. My brother can actually say he told me so. Arggghhhh!

Older and Wiser? (In Love)

When I was seventeen, I had a fantasy crush on Matt Damon. My husband, always the supportive one- even in my delusions, still refers to him as my boyfriend. As in, "Do you want to watch that movie with your boyfriend in it, you now, where he loses his memory?" However, my crushes are not ever sexual in nature quite unlike a certain someone's fascination with Megan Fox and Andrea Lima. Rather, I pictured myself having exceedingly witty conversations with Mr. Damon in a Harvard pub.

Later, I progressed into my twenties and George Clooney became the lucky chosen one. Again, my fantasies are entirely platonic, mainly consisting of traveling around the world doing amazing philanthropic work. There's a little more sensitivity from the loving husband on this one as there's this wonderful Italian palazzo/villa involved and he is actually single...again this is a fantasy, no fun really, if they come true...

Now as I have crossed the happy threshold of thirty, I have a new love interest. Cesar Chavez. And all I can continually fantasize about is him helping with my dog. If you have met my dog, you can completely understand.

When I related this story to my brilliant brother, he said, "Why on Earth would you have a crush on the President of Venezuela?"Just to clarify, this is Cesar not Hugo that I am dreaming about. Furthermore, my husband just explained that I have a crush on Cesar Milan...not Cesar Chavez ... Oh dear, I must be getting older...

Housewife’s Lament

We women write. We all write. We continuously write. We write checks, we write thank you cards, we write birthday cards, we write about our sadness, we write about our jobs, and my goodness, do we write lists. We do not, however, write about our happiness. Maybe, it is because we are too busy capturing the moment and living “in the now” to reflect upon it. I think not. We are too busy capturing the moment with our cameras and are focused on maintaining the moment through our diligence.

For once, take a moment, grab a pen, pencil, the green crayon off the floor and write about your happiness. Take this moment to recall a time when you felt happy or what you feel happy about in this moment, and write it down. Make it a memory that you have for your family and friends and most importantly, for yourself. We are like shadows in our own lives, taking the pictures, but never in them. One would think by looking at my photo albums and my journals that either I did not exist, or that I was chronically depressed. Ironically, I do exist and my sad moments are so fleeting that had I neglected to write about them, I would never remember them.

Dwell on your happiness. And dwell in it.

Chat It Up. Live Longer.

My beloved father-in-law oft laments the obituaries, not the actual passings, but rather, the ages at which his fellow men have a tendency to expire. His observation aptly reflects data concerning why women and men live as long as they do. Men tend to live as long as their spouses do. If by sad circumstance their wives pass, the likelihood of the partner’s passing in the next year or two increases 20 fold, drastically reducing his life expectancy after the age of 60. Why is that? It is believed, that as they age, the circle of friends a man has continually contracts until there is one remaining contingent…their wives. This happens as school buddies, college buddies, work buddies, gym buddies, golf buddies, drinking buddies and the activities with which male friends collectively participate fall away as they graduate, as they retire, as their physical agility and/ or health declines. Leaving just one constant companion.

I have one suggestion, oh, wait two: 1. be kind to your wife, your life depends on her and 2. make lifelong friends with someone who you talk to and interact with on a daily basis that is not activity driven.

The irony in this spousal life dependence is that should the opposite occur, a woman survives her husband after the age of 60, her life expectancy increases. And it increases by at least 20 years. Why is that? *

* Please refer to previous article on why housework causes stress.

Why Housework Causes Stress

Few would argue the health benefits of the mop. It is because there are none. Not that the vigorous swishing of one’s self in the rhythmic overtures of the dirty water blues lacks aerobic merit. On the contrary, it is the mental anguish towards and continual cursing of one’s spouse who happens to not be swishing the mop that negates any and all benefits.

Lonely Socks Club

I have a confession to make. I’ve started a Lonely Socks Club. So far, I have 18 individual members- all looking for their “sole” mates. Why this strange revelation? If friends have resolved to Facebook as a way to keep tabs on their friends two houses down, then why not start a dating club for socks? They share as much intimacy as a Facebook friend, and if encouraged, will no doubt pose in a drunken stupor for that most necessary of “candid” Facebook memories. What happened to talking to our friends? Are we really too busy? Has it become unsafe? Has the threat of rampant illness reigned in our friendliness or does it actually reveal our true character? That we make and have friends out of convenience. And what could be more convenient than Facebook tallying how many friends I have?

I am sure this semi-rant suggests that I abstain from Facebook. Quite the contrary, I revel in it. Ask my husband. However, to assuage my guilt and maintain my inflated self-opinion, I have set up a 500 mile radius to substantiate my purpose of staying in touch with friends to far to see or talk to often. This is my premise. Hawaiian airlines gives 500 miles upon completing an inter-island segment. Therefore, if you live on another island and/or beyond the great big blue of the Pacific…you have… the distinct joy of becoming “my friend.”